Its so cliché but, in my case I would have to say this adage rings SO true and real to me in this moment:
If you were to have told me 5 years ago that I would be where I am now, (and were to have gone through what I have gone through) I would have NEVER believed you.
YHWH, God of the universe has an AMAZING way of fathering us when we choose to walk with Him. Its amazing JUST how much He wants us to be like His Son and how far we really are from that. I see that more clearly now than ever before in myself because of the amount of times I thought I had “gotten it” when, comes to find out I slip up again a few months later. The main area I am talking about is PATIENCE and TRUST.
For those of you who are reading this and don’t know, about 2.5 years ago I was at a turning place in my life. I had just quit grad school after realizing that it truly wasn’t what I was suppose to be doing, I had begun to give my time to volunteering and other pursuits that I felt more called to. I was enjoying life: living with two of my best friends and starting to dig in a little deeper into my community. I felt however a new direction coming. That was when, talking to some friends, I was asked the question, “How are you with rats?” The Lutz’s had mentioned the Stuckys, missionaries in Papua New Guinea, for years and how much they needed a Media Director for the ministry they run down there. I would always brush off the offer. This time, I didn’t. Shortly after meeting the Stuckys at a Passover meal, it was confirmed to me to really seek the LORD in prayer over the situation. After further confirmations, the rest truly became history, as it was pretty evident this was where I was supposed to go. I felt great! A new direction that God opened up! I expected a quick turn over when it came to preparations and figured that things would move quickly as they have done in the past other times God has called me places, like when I took a trip to Israel or San Francisco. When I moved to Texas it seemed like Yah just opened the floodgates and prepared me over abundantly when it came to finances for that trip.
Over a year and a half since our first meeting, over a year more than what was guessed to be the longest amount of time it was suppose to take, I am still here… waiting. Time after time of almost open doors, I had so much expectation built up that every time a delay would occur I would be again and again left crying on the floor. Each delay reinforced the proverb, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” (Proverbs 13:12). Hindsight is really 20/20 though, as I see now that each deferred hope was so intensely purposeful and needed in my life. There were/are sin struggles that needed to arise in me so that YHWH could deal with them in me. Things like doubt, the fear of man, selfishness and other issues that would have remained hidden if I were not to have gone through these heart deferments. I also see now the many different life events that I would have missed out on if I would have left earlier: making and building new friendships, 2 of my best friends weddings, another good friend having her first child (not to mention a few cousins having children as well!), being there to help family through difficult seasons, meeting family members I’ve never met before, building a relationship with my biological father and the list goes on. It really is quite incredible what has gone on during the last few years, where at times my heart (*flesh*) would tell me how I wasn’t doing anything for the kingdom and nothing was happening in my life. I now am SO grateful to God for the time I’ve spent here and am enjoying this season of life with all the growing changing relationships and opportunities I have been given to help others.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my walk with the LORD is to NEVER get comfortable.
I received two emails today. The first one stated, “Are you ready to come to PNG girl!?!!!” It was Lynda informing me that they just picked up my work permit and are going to lodge my Visa on Tuesday (Marlyn’s Visa only took 5 days to lodge). The other email was a copy of my actual work permit with a picture and everything. In her email Lynda further stated that I should get ready to leave very soon.
Just when I started to get comfortable, here we go!
My mind is all over the place… I have a lot to do to get ready… things to buy and people to see… this changes my plans for the summer… will I be able to get everything ready?... am I ready?... are the people I love ready?...
Another thing I’ve learned through all of this… this being essentially the most important lesson not only of this time, but for the entirety of my life – TRUST IN GOD with the big AND small things. He has and always will be faithful.
So if you think of me, please pray that everything would work together for God’s good in His timing; that me, my family and friends as well as the Stuckys would be prepared to lean on the LORD during this huge transition and that I would not soon forget the many amazing things He has taught me through this period of waiting.
I’ll leave you with the second half of Proverbs 13:12
“… a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”