The Cloud and the Fire

“At the order of [YHWH], the people of Isra’el traveled; at the order of [YHWH], they camped; and as long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they stayed in camp. Even when the cloud remained on the tabernacle for a long time, the people of Isra’el did what [YHWH] had charged them to do and did not travel.”

“But the people began complaining about their hardships to [YHWH]. When [YHWH] heard it, his anger flared up, so that fire from [YHWH] broke out against them…”

Numbers 9:18-19, 11:1 CJB

It’s amazing what the Word of God can speak to us if we are willing to listen.

This waiting period of my life has been so many things. It’s been trying & encouraging… it’s been painful & joyful... it’s been a blessing & (felt like) a curse. It’s been humbling, humbling, humbling.

It has been God putting me in my place – stripping me of every personal expectation and desire I have for my life. It has been forcing me to come to grips with the necessity of letting go of everything that would get in the way of HIS purposes for me. He has shown me that He truly knows what is best, even when it doesn’t look at all like it.

I have gone through so much these past few years. I’ve been through blissful weddings, and a heartbreaking funeral. I’ve seen family and friends get new jobs, move new places, lose loved ones, and have had their hearts and bodies broken. I’ve met relatives for the first time and started building deeper relationships with others. I’ve gained new friendships and built up long standing ones. Even while writing this out, I’m humbled at the fact that YHWH has done all of these things in my life while waiting.

Occasionally I get to the point where I again feel hurt and frustrated at the lack of forward movement when it comes to me moving to PNG. It seems like whenever there is a step forward, there is a step back. I doubt, I question and become angry. But it seems like whenever I go to the Bible the word remains the same: WAIT. (As part of my devotions, I read through what’s called the Torah portions every week. This gets you through the first 5 books of the Bible every year. The verses above are from this weeks Torah portion and came at a time where I began to become weary again.)

As I read the beginning of Numbers 11, I see how foolish it really is to complain about my current state and how God views my complaining. Though I want to tell you the direction I have for the next steps of my life and I want to be able to tell you my 5-year plan... I really don’t. Because I know that at this point it is not the desire of my Father to let me know. I can tell you that I plan on being present where I am until YHWH directs me otherwise.

Though this is frustrating to my flesh, I must say when I read Numbers 9, I can’t help but be absolutely humbled by the Father heart of God in the description of Him being with Israel in the tabernacle in the wilderness. I’ve heard it explained that it was like God had to teach them, as you teach a little child that HE and HE ALONE is trustworthy and that HIS timing and HIS ways are the right ways. Every time I get anxious Yah is gently, patiently asking me to simply trust in Him. Another verse that has been SO important to me through this season is a very familiar one, but has been given more meaning to me lately with the translation that I use:

[YHWH] is my shepherd; I lack nothing. Psalm 23:1

Here is the latest about PNG: You could really be praying for the Stuckys as they are going through quite a bit of turmoil. Marlyn has been having more health issues and Lynda tragically lost her father a little over a month ago. They also are still in need of a generator, stove and fridge on the new base. Just before getting the news about Lynda’s father I received word that my work permit was finished. I am waiting to hear news on the progress of my Visa.

My refrain remains…

[YHWH] is my shepherd; I lack nothing