There are so many things going on right now, its truly more than I can type out. Not only in my own life but in the world at large.
There are "bad" things happening: I'm still waiting on the government of Papua New Guinea to finish my Visa, the Stucky's and their family members are struggling severely with medical issues, persecution against Christians and Jews as well as the rise of radical Islamic terrorism is skyrocketing, division in the United States on basically every subject is at a ridiculous level, SO many people are dying from so many things, natural disasters are ramping up, we're loosing our rights in the US...
And at the SAME time
There are "good" things happening: YHWH is doing some MAJOR, MONUMENTAL restoring of families in my life and the lives of other family members (I've been building a real relationship with my biological father Eric and am meeting my 2 half siblings that I have never met next week! Also my Mom's husband just got full custody of his daughter who he hardly saw as she was growing up who is 11... not to mention they all [including his teenage son] moved to Quincy a little over a month ago!!!) I have been able to enjoy some precious 1 on 1 time with friends who I haven't seen in a long time, overall my family is doing well physically right now, the spread of the Gospel is exploding in continents like Asia, Africa and South America...
And I'm sitting here, smack dab in the middle in sort of a daze: feeling SO B L E S S E D and UNWORTHY B E Y O N D M E A S U R E (obviously you can tell that normal type can't express how I feel ;) for all that is going on in my personal life. It's literally like a dream that is so beautiful that it doesn't seem to be true. While simultaneously I feel guilty for feeling so amazing because of all of the pain, heartache, mourning, sorrow that I am seeing everywhere around me.
I really don't have an answer for... how to be.
I say this quite a bit when talking with others about Yah and how He works - I believe He desires us to live in tension. When I say "tension" I DO NOT mean stress. What I mean is best summed up in this well known part of scripture:
For everything there is a season, a right time for every intention under heaven — a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to discard, a time to tear and a time to sew, a time to keep silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
All of this to say, I will keep pressing into Him; not knowing what is next but seeking to offer Him every moment - "good" or "bad" - simply because He deserves my all
Love you guys